Sunday, September 24, 2006


more scenery shots - the colours here are amazing Posted by Picasa


this is a very strange place to drive around Posted by Picasa


i've been taking my camera everywhere lately trying to get shots that capture the landscape. problem is, the landscape's so flat it makes it really hard to get a decent shot. these are the best so far. the yellow fields are canola, the dark green are wheat. Posted by Picasa


scotty was starting to get sooky - which is soooo unlike him...  Posted by Picasa

Confessions

22 Sep 2006 Afternoon sometime

Part of healing is admitting to the things about yourself you’re really not proud of.

There are a number of things I’ve admitted to myself (or I pretend I have) and I always think that’s going to be enough for me to be able to change them. But the truth I now acknowledge is that a few of the deepest rooted belief patterns and behaviours are not going to change unless I really fess up to them.

Confession #1 – I manipulate people.

I’d really like to pretend that most of the time I don’t know what I’m doing, but that would be a lie. I usually know exactly what I’m doing.

I should clarify – by manipulating I don’t mean just asking for what I want – I see that as being a positive thing. What I mean is coercing people into doing things I want them to do whether they want to or not.

I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I never encourage people to do anything I think might be harmful, it’s just that I always think I know what’s best for people.

Which leads me to Confession # 2.

Having been through periods of total blackness (where the grass isn’t greener anywhere because there is no green) and greyness (the colour of blandness and mediocrity) I now live in a fascinating rainbow world.

However, having done a lot of healing and positive affirmations work, I now have days where I think my opinion is “better” than anyone else’s. That’s not every day, but I admit, I do often brush off other people’s opinions because I think they’re ignorant or small-minded, or just plain wrong.

My current work on that issue is to change my perception so I can see that other people’s beliefs and ideas are just “different” not “wrong”.

And maybe sometimes I’m the one who’s ignorant and small minded.

Ok, I think 2 confessions is enough for today. They’re the two biggest issues I’m trying to work on at present.

This is my public apology to Liz – Unfortunately as she’s the person closest to me at the moment she cops most of my manipulation and egotistical rants. I’m determined to change so I can stop hurting both of us.

Funny, it always seems like it’s so hard to admit we’re in the wrong, and we can spend lifetimes avoiding it, but it’s still a whole lot easier than continuing to pretend we’re right. I’ve done some really shitty things in my time, but I’m trying to put them right.


one of the best shots of steve pope ever taken, i believe. captures the true inner beauty. Posted by Picasa


the transport boys looking their most charming. wouldn't you just love to take them home to meet your grandparents? Posted by Picasa

lighting candles for ants

23 Sep 2006 9:45am-ish.

The last few days, my faith in the universe has been restored – well at least to some extent. We haven’t won lotto yet (unless liz is hiding it from me), but I think it may help if we bought a ticket…

After coming back from Adelaide, our moods plummeted. The fact that Liz had a cold and I had a stomach-cramping bug thing didn’t help. Apparently hangovers really do suppress the immune system.

Anyway, just at my lowest point, one of my workmates came into my office and said “do you want my beach house for the weekend? I’m not using it.” Then I had a blinder of a week with clients getting jobs and interview, and I spoke to my new boss in lismore who is now letting me choose my hours and days, which should significantly help to reduce the stuck, resentful feeling I was writing about in the last entry.

Liz is happy I’m away for the weekend because she’s sick of me being flat, and needs some space.

The only downer is Grandpa, who’s now counting down the days till we go (for different reasons to the one why we’re counting down) so we’re trying to convince him to come up and see the family for Christmas.

Hanging with Grandpa has definitely been the best part of being in Port Pirie. Well, that and op-shopping…

On an unrelated note, there is a dead pressed ant on the last page I was just writing on. Given it’s partly covered in paper, I’m assuming it dies at some point in the papermaking process.

Poor ant.

I shall light a candle tonight in honour of the ant, and all those other ants Jules and Kirsten killed this week at work. That’s seriously bad karma ladies! Poor ants.

* Update* - I did actually light an ant candle, that’s the truth! Although it was also a prayer candle for a lot of other things – like strengthening the resolve I’ve written about in the next entry – keep reading! - Liv

Greyness

18 September 2006 – 7:40pm

I know this feeling, and it will pass. These days it passes much more quickly than it used to.

It’s the flatness. The pointlessness. There’s a dash of resentment, a sprinklink of hard-done-by-ness (which is now a descriptive term), and a whole great big walloping slab of missing people. This time it’s mixes with a sprinkling of feeling out-of-control and grasping at small things I can consider “mine” but today the cherry on top is that there doesn’t feel like there’s a light. There is – I can describe it, but today, everything feels grey (the colour of blandness and mediocrity).

I’m burnt out.

So, I think, is Liz.

But it will pass.

Tomorrow is a new day.

8:17pm

I’ve been thinking.

Liz and I have lost our enjoyment in our jobs. Each time we move it feels like a new start, but then we end up doing the same things all over again. Working in the same jobs we don’t like. Falling into the same emotional traps.

We work long hours and our days off almost never conincide so we rarely get to go on weekends away, or get to do touristy stuff, or practically any of the things we say we want to do. Then we have a couple of weeks off, most of which is spent driving, and start again. I want to break this pattern, but to do that, both of us will have to step way out of our comfort zones. Today – bleak. Tomorrow - ?


still more wearable art. we really did have a whole lot of fun that afternoon. Posted by Picasa


liz in her wearable art - i have a feeling she's going to go back and buy this one - it really was gorgeous Posted by Picasa


more wearable art. note the amazing moonstone i'm wearing - surprisingly enough i bought that in a shop in port pirie - although the owner brought them out specifically for us when she saw us - apparently she used to have lots of pieces like that, but nobody bought them, so she put them all out the back. it's a shame you can't see the true blue of the stones in this pic.  Posted by Picasa


on one of the rare days liz and i get off together, we put on our vintage dresses and went for a drive to melrose, where we met this amazing woman who runs the art gallery. she proceeded to dress us in all the wearable art, and take photos. i do believe that blue piece of material is the least flattering piece of wearable anything i've ever worn, but the overlay was magnificent. Posted by Picasa


this is not a particularly flattering shot of either of us, but at least you can see some of the fabulous vintage dresses we've been finding everywhere. nobody here seems to buy them, so we have our pick of hundreds! Posted by Picasa


this is gladstone, SA. sometimes it feels like stepping into a time warp visiting these towns - gladstone is quite a beautiful little place in a run down, rusty corrugated iron sort of way. Posted by Picasa


Liz and I found this bus on a roadside - it's for sale, and we're both seriously tempted to buy it. yes, we know it's not the most practical vehicle, but we're imagining it with murals, mirror balls, our own separate rooms, sewing machines and computer desks, and a comfy brown couch, and nanna rugs everywhere. it totally sounds like the vehicle of choice for two such groovy funksters. Posted by Picasa


These days, Liv gets very excited if she can find vegetarian food on a menu - this pub (The Newcastle) actually had a vegetarian section, with 2 whole choices! although, on closer inspection, you discover that one of them is made with oyster sauce, and the other is a frozen $2 lasagne from woolies - i know it was, because we used to buy them on weeks when the dollars were really thin... Posted by Picasa

Monday, September 18, 2006

feeling hazy

17 September 2006 7:15pm - ish

Sometimes you wake up in the morning with a smirk on your face, and as the memories slowly sift their way up through the various levels of subconsciousness in which they buried themselves at some point during the alcohol induced haze, and you think "How the hell did i get away with all that?"

Give Liz and I a couple of beers and we lose all fear (and any pretence of social norms) and start doing the most random things.

now, that's not to say we turn nasty, or anything horrid like that, we ust start doing stuff and saying stuff that seems like a good idea at the time. often stuff like telling everyone "aaah loves you guuuuuuyyyysssss", but last night involved me harassing random members of the crowd with my best "Tim Shaw from Demtell" smile and saying "have you thought about buying a Transport cd?" and continuing to harass them until they paid me to go away.

We were, of course, at a Transport gig in Adelaide. We actually put in some serious effort for this one - we had to drive 2.5 hours each way, stay in a hotel, and liz had to get the weekend off work (not as easy as it sounds) - and the most difficult of all, we had to decide which of our fabulous vintage dresses to wear. Pirie op-shopping rocks, but that's another story altogether (another long and involved one, i fear).

Liz was on fine form as well - demanding beers and wedding invitations and that the band walk us home to the hotel (the promoter wouldn't let them).

I was exchanging pimping percentages for kisses (i'd love to be able to say that wasn't as bad as it sounds, but it probably was) and I got invited to go on tour with the boys from now on, and Scotty vetoed Liz going becauase she didn't do any work, and just sat on her arse like a primadonna, but Steve and Keir were on her side, which i still don't understand - she clearly bribed them copiously.

can one bribe copiously?

one can now.

that's only the beginning, but the moral is, a fun weekend was had by all. photos coming soon!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

today.

liz is at body balance. i was intending to go, but today is day 5 of my migraine, and it seems to have set in for the long haul.

i've so far tried:

dark grape juice
asprin
ibuprofen
vitamin b2
massage
yoga
sleep
staying busy and ignoring the pain (what i'm doing right now)

thus far, nothing has worked.

open to further suggestions.

ok. what else is happening? we've heard from our beautiful friends in the band "me" who are now online - check them out at www.myspace.com/featureartist

we seem to be sticking with the travel plans outlined below - we haven't changed our minds in weeks, which must be some sort of crazy record.

we had an amazing day on saturday - who would have thought port pirie would have a kickarse vintage clothing shop? amazing!! we spent ages there trying everything on, and we bought a 6 dresses between us. sooooo gorgeous! pics to follow when i've gotten around to downloading them.

liz has been pretty upset about steve irwin of course, and from what we hear, so has everyone else from the zoo.

i'm sure there's other stuff to tell you, but my head's not with it.

going to go sleep or something.

liv

Welfare to work

25 August 2006 6:55pm

I'm sitting in a comfortable chair. i have a glenfiddich on the rocks beside me. i've found myself a pen that writes very quickly, and i'm ready for a good, old-fashioned rant.

Today's soap box topic: Welfare to Work "reforms"

before i get started, does anyone out there actually know WHO it was that suggested these changes? and who was it that actually supported them?

have these people ever been unemployed?
have they ever had a disability?
or known anyone with a disability?
have they ever spent a day in an employment agency?
or a disability service?
or even centrelink?
did they ask any of us, the people who have to deal with the impact of these changes on a daily basis, what we thought?
did they ask the rest of the general public who actually knew what they were talking about what they thought?
or did they just do an opinion poll with people who'd been watching the government propaganda about dole bludgers, who went "yeah, make the bastards do something. it's my taxes paying for them to live" (not realising that one of the things that makes our country great (in theory) is its welfare system?

i've been sitting here trying to come up with the words to describe the utter abhorence i'm feeling for the recent changes to out "welfare" system but uncharacteristically they've escaped me.

The Plan (the current version)

25 August 2006 7:55am

I'm not sure how I managed to get ready so early this morning, but it appears i am. i'll walk to work soon (believe it or not, i actually seem to be keeping that up, although it's getting pretty warm while i'm walking...

anyway, the exciting news is that liz and i have made a decision - when we leave here we're going to spend a few days in adelaide hanging with the wala boys (and seeing my favourite painting one last time) then Melbourne for a couple of weeks, then ocean shores to stay with my parents for a couple of months, Woodford, Ocean shores again to recover from woodford, then off again. we're both very excited about this plan - there's sooooo much to look forward to in it!!

so be prepared everyone - we're coming home!

it's the sitting

21 August 2006 8:32am

I set myself a goal this morning of walking form home to Cafe Florence in 30 minutes, so I'd then have 30 minutes to sit and enjoy a coffee before work. it's a monday, so i think the coffee will help.

yesterday's mystery tour was interesting, but weird in some ways. dad told up about a bunch of places to go, and a lot of them either didn't exist anymore, or had totally changed. we did find an awesome park though in fisherman's bay and got heaps of photos of ourselves having a ball on all the cool stuff - thanks to grandpa for many of those pics.

my cards keep telling me that this is the time to focus on my health, and that's what we're both doing. i think that's what being here is all about - getting back on track with our health and finances. which reminds me, i need to pick up a tax pack - i'm teaching liz how to do her tax. 8 minutes till i have to start work. it's taken all this time for my coffee to cool enough to drink (i forgot to ask for it city temp again. oh well).

i'm finding myself really starting to resent doing a desk job. I HATE sitting all day. i need a change.

it's not the job i hate, it's the sitting.

8 more weeks of sitting.