Greyness

18 September 2006 – 7:40pm

I know this feeling, and it will pass. These days it passes much more quickly than it used to.

It’s the flatness. The pointlessness. There’s a dash of resentment, a sprinklink of hard-done-by-ness (which is now a descriptive term), and a whole great big walloping slab of missing people. This time it’s mixes with a sprinkling of feeling out-of-control and grasping at small things I can consider “mine” but today the cherry on top is that there doesn’t feel like there’s a light. There is – I can describe it, but today, everything feels grey (the colour of blandness and mediocrity).

I’m burnt out.

So, I think, is Liz.

But it will pass.

Tomorrow is a new day.

8:17pm

I’ve been thinking.

Liz and I have lost our enjoyment in our jobs. Each time we move it feels like a new start, but then we end up doing the same things all over again. Working in the same jobs we don’t like. Falling into the same emotional traps.

We work long hours and our days off almost never conincide so we rarely get to go on weekends away, or get to do touristy stuff, or practically any of the things we say we want to do. Then we have a couple of weeks off, most of which is spent driving, and start again. I want to break this pattern, but to do that, both of us will have to step way out of our comfort zones. Today – bleak. Tomorrow - ?