Telowie Gorge

29 July 2006 Around 2:15

My head's all fogge, like i'm holding it under the tea-stained water flowing at my feet - seeping in through the hair follicles to colour my thoughts.

i wanted solitude, and today i succeeded in finding a place where i really am completely alone. now, if only i could stay here for a couple of weeks, i might really be able to put my head back together.

i'm in telowie gorge, and have found a rock with a perfect bum-shaped impression in front of a bustling little stream. in front of me is a carpet of clover, leading to a long line of red boulders, and some beautiful pine-like trees that seem perfectly at home here, even though they are nothing at all like my preconceived ideas of what australian native, or at least australian bush trees are like.

a couple of people just walked past me, so i'm not entirely alone (i've just discovered) but i don't think they even noticed me sitting here.

i've been here quite a while now, thinking. i've always used journalling as a way of being honest with myself, but today i'm not sure what the honest truth is.

liz and i have been going through an amazing emotional journey this last 7 months, and it's interesting to see how differently we react to certain things.

when we go through difficult times, my way of dealing with that tends ot be to go into overdrive, brainstorm every possibility until i find a solution, and then chill out. i find it difficult to chill until i know i've made headway into dealing with it, so i realise i sometimes have a tendency to jump at the first option that presents itself - although, i must admit, this usually works pretty well for me, because it ends up being the right thing at the time.

lis has a very different approach - the hands over the ears "blah blah blah i can't hear you" ostrich head in the sand approach. she doesn't tend to deal with things until she absolutely has to then freaks out. then i freak out too.

at the beginning that was all ok - i would organise everything, and liz would happily go along with it all. well, that's not entirely true, we'd discuss everything we wanted to do, but the big decision were often based on my friends we've stayed with, and my work. this is basically because i plan ahead, and liz likes to go with the flow.

as a result of all this, i can understand why sometimes liz feels like she's just tagging along on my trip, and i feel like i'm always pushing her to get her shit together. most days we're equal in everything, some days we're like mother and daughter.

in order to counteract this fairly unhelpful pattern in both of us, and push us both out of our comfort zone, i've asked liz to organise the next part of our trip. that way, she can find work she really wants to be doing anywhere in australia, and i'll follow her.

i'm not sure what will actually end up happening, but i'm trying not to freak out while i sit back and wait for liz.