a moody day

16 July 2007 8:19pm

This entry will not be published until i feel like the situation i'm in has somehow worked itself out.

up until a few moments ago, i felt like crying, and i believe if i'd started, the tears would hav disolved each of these words, which has a nice sort of poetic imagery to it, i must admit. what cheered me up was getting a phone call from an old friend from Brisbane who's now living in Adelaide.

She hates it here too.

we've been here a little over 48 hours, and already i want to quit and leave.

grandpa has been amazingly generous - putting us both up, driving us around, not letting us pay for anything at al, and in the disgustingly selfish frame of mind i'm in, all that does is make me feel like i'm 12.

i'm freaking out. i'm so scared, i don't know how i'm going to make it through the next 3 months.

grandpa does nothing but try to make us feel welcome, and all it does is make us feel like we're invading his space.

i feel like i've made such a big mistake coming here. we were talking about it today - liz and i - saying that if this was just a short stopover we'd think it was fantastic.

but it's not. we feel stuck - and we're already starting to lose our minds.

i've been coming up with all these crazy plans for how to get out of here.

12 weeks. only 12 weeks to go. only 12 weeks.

update - none of this is relevant any more at all. we've now been here 6 weeks and we're both doing really well. we've found lots of things to inspire us - for me, primarily the idea that i'm getting my health back after letting pretty much all my good habits go during the 4 months in melbourne. for liz, doing a lot more art is inspiring her in a lot of ways, i think.

anyway, point is, the only reason i've put this post on here, is to remind us of the terrible state we were in when we first arrived (we were a total mess, too many goodbyes all at once) and the amazing mental state we both have at the moment - we're both bright and positive, and excited about the future.