musings on forgiveness

5 January 2006 3:06pm

it's been about 6 weeks or so since i've made a journal entry just for me, not the website. this one may end up on there if i get brave enough (or stupid enough) to put it there, but for the time being i need to write it as though it is just for me so i can allow myself to be honest with myself.

this morning i was playing with the angel cards, and once again i pulled out forgiveness. usually i think that card refers to a person who i have allowed to hurt me for a long time, and still does, but i realised that, today at least, it didn't refer to that at all.

i think the message i'm trying to give myself today is that i need to forgive people for not being the person i want them to be.

that sounds totally arrogant when it's written like that.

i let myself be hurt and angry when i find that what i hope and want isn't possible in reality. there are so many people i love that do things i don't like - saying nasty things to people when they know it will hurt them, doing or promoting drugs, supporting economic rationalism, or war. i know everything happens for a reason, and i still love these people despite the things they do or don't do, say or feel.

this is an internal thing. i need to grieve and let go of my impossible expectations - it's their life, not mine, and i don't actually know what's best for them. i have no right to assume that i do.

i need to start taking my own advice.

this site is turning into my public therapy record...