having trouble being honest

1 May 2006 5:27pm

some days the writing flows easily, some days it's hard to know where to begin. today even the pens i'm using are conspiring againsto me (hello paranoia).

i was adding some new blogs to the site today and realised they've been very superficial lately. i feel like i'm happy to expose myself publicly, but the last couple of months, which have been so full of anger, tears and fear, i find it very hard to write about because it means exposing other people publicly, and I don't think that's fair. i also don't really think it's possible to discuss the things i'm talking about without pretty much everyone out there working out who i'm talking about, so it's a weird trapped feeling.

anyway, that's the main reason for the sporadic updating recently. the things i feel are important to write about, they don't feel like my stories to share.

the last 2 months in melbourne have been both fantastic and awful. i feel really shitty about not being able to write about it. at the beginning of this trip, liz and i promised ourselves and each other to always be honest and open on this blog, kind of as a bit of an experiment as to what it feel like to have your thoughts and feelings publicly scrutinised, and hold no secrets, even when we knew it could hurt one or both of us.

right. i'm not going to do it now, but i'll see if either of us have the courage to write the full story of the last few months.